Motivation vs. Self-Discipline: How to Reach Your Goals Even When You Don’t ‘Feel’ Like It
By: Growth Era Counseling & Wellness [Molly Smith, LPC]
“I'll start tomorrow,”
“One more day, then I will be ready.”
“I just don't feel like it.”
“Once I have more motivation, then I'll start”
Does this sound like you? Always waiting for the “right” moment or to “feel ready?”
For some, there won't always be that special moment or waking up and just knowing it is time for change. There won't always be this eager excitement of new opportunities or new routines. It can feel like a chore, an impending task, a set up for failure. It is a very common feeling. You are not alone in this
Setting new goals is tricky. Following through with them is a goal all its own. So, you may ask, where do I begin if I just don't feel ready or have the motivation?
Here are 5 tips for reaching your goals when it feels impossible, unmanageable, or scary:
Start Small
All too often, people make the mistake of starting with goals that are too ambitious. It can be good, sometimes, to put yourself out there and just START, but this can be a recipe for unmet or abandoned goals. Starting small allows for a step outside of the comfort zone with more reward than risk. Choose something that has been on your list for a while. Want to eat better? Try that recipe that you saved three months ago and never got back to. Want to be more active? Take a 10 minute walk on your lunch break. Want to meet new people? Start by googling social events or clubs in your area. Start with something, and remember: it does not have to be the perfect time, perfect plan, or perfect start.
Do something you actually want to do
It can be easy to feel threatened by others around us. The new trends going around can make us feel like we have to do exactly what others do to see real change. This is a myth! Change looks different for everyone. If we truly want to follow through with our goals, they have to be things we have some interest in. If you want to start exercising, but the thought of running makes you dread exercise, don't run. Put on your favorite playlist while you make dinner or get ready in the morning and dance it out. If you want to develop new skills for managing stress, choose a hobby you always enjoy and set a goal to do it at least once per week. While it can inspire ideas or motivation, don't be fooled by what you see others doing, or what you see on social media. You still need to do what is best for you.
Do something you don't want to do
OK, this feels like a direct contradiction to the previous tip, but stay with us! Sometimes, having self-discipline means we have to do things we don't want to do. We call this the “taking out the trash” theory (or replace with any chore that takes all the effort you can muster to get done). Taking out the trash is not a desirable chore, however, if we don't, it will become unpleasant pretty quickly! To do things we “have” to do, but don't “want to,” we can employ a quick change to our lingo. Instead of “I have to go to work today,” say “I get to go to work and get out of the house today” Instead of “I have to eat right and work out,” say “I get to eat good food and move my body today.” Small changes to how we talk to ourselves can help us get things done and feel better doing things we may not be in the mood for. It also helps us develop gratitude for every day things we may take for granted.
Find an accountability buddy
Starting something new can feel isolating, (or maybe even boring), but it doesn't have to be! Find a friend or loved one who is willing to engage in your new goal with you. This may be in attending that yoga class you have been eyeing, or a weekly check in to see how your goals went that week. Whatever it is, feel proud to share it with someone else. Sometimes it is hard to encourage or lift ourselves up, so having someone cheer us on, or to tag alone with us, feels that much better.
Seek out help when necessary
At Growth Era Counseling & Wellness, we understand that not all goals are made equal. Unmanaged or undiagnosed mental health can be a barrier to this. Ultimately, there are goals that are just more personal in nature, that require deep self-reflection, healing, and growth. Therapy can be a great guide in this journey, allowing you the space to speak freely about fears, insecurities, or thoughts that are weighing you down and keeping you from achieving your goals.
Final Thoughts:
Motivation is not constant. It ebbs and flows. If we wait for it to swing by and stay a while, we may be waiting forever. If you do feel a jolt of inspiration, act on it! But if you are struggling with where to start, how to set goals, or what those goals even are, that is OK, too.
If you are ready (or even if you are not), reach out today for a free 15 minute consultation.
Not sure what to ask? Check out our blog, “Questions to Ask a Therapist During a Free Consultation Call” to prepare.