Why Your Therapist Asks “What’s in Your Control?”
By: Growth Era Counseling & Wellness
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by a situation that seems entirely out of your hands? Maybe you’ve found yourself caught in a loop of “what-ifs,” consumed by worries that feel impossible to escape. This is a deeply human experience — and one of the most effective tools therapists use to help clients navigate these moments is a simple, yet powerful question:
“What’s in your control?”
This question may seem straightforward, but it offers a profound opportunity for relief, resilience, and empowerment. At Growth Era Counseling & Wellness, we often use this reflection to help clients move from a place of worry to a place of action — a shift that can transform not just how you cope with challenges, but how you relate to yourself.
Why This Question Matters
When your therapist asks, “What’s in your control?” they’re inviting you to pause and consider where your energy is going. It’s easy to pour energy into the things we can’t influence — what others think of us, outcomes we can’t predict, or events we can’t undo. This can lead to frustration, helplessness, and anxiety.
But when you redirect that focus to what is within your control, something powerful happens: you regain a sense of agency. You start to feel capable of making choices that align with your values and support your well-being.
This question matters because it helps you:
1. Identify What You Can Change
You can’t control everything — but you can control your actions, choices, and responses. When you zero in on these aspects, you begin to feel more grounded. Even small changes — like setting boundaries, practicing self-care, or reframing your thoughts — can help you feel empowered in the face of challenges.
2. Let Go of What You Can’t Control
Acceptance doesn’t mean approval or avoidance; it means releasing the constant fight against the uncontrollable. Letting go frees up emotional energy that can be directed toward healing and growth, rather than exhaustion and anxiety.
3. Build Emotional Resilience
When you focus on what’s within your control, you strengthen your ability to bounce back from difficulties. You move from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I do with what’s in front of me?” Over time, this mindset becomes a foundation for emotional stability and self-trust.
The Power of Focus
This question is more than a coping tool — it’s a practice in mental clarity. Our brains are wired to fixate on potential threats and uncertainties, which can heighten anxiety and stress. By intentionally refocusing on what we can control, we retrain our minds to operate from a place of calm and purpose instead of chaos.
In therapy, this shift can be life-changing. It allows clients to approach challenges with curiosity and compassion rather than fear. It’s a reminder that while you may not control every circumstance, you always have control over how you show up for yourself.
Applying This in Daily Life
The next time you feel overwhelmed, take a deep breath and ask yourself:
“What’s in my control right now?”
Reflect on what you can directly influence — then take one small action aligned with that. Even minor steps can reduce stress and create a sense of momentum.
For example:
If you’re anxious about a work deadline, focus on organizing your time or asking for support.
If you’re struggling in a relationship, concentrate on communicating openly or setting healthy boundaries.
If you’re feeling emotionally drained, prioritize rest and self-care, even in small ways.
Each of these choices reminds your mind and body that you have agency, even in difficult moments.
20 Things Within Your Control Right Now
It’s easy to feel powerless in a fast-paced world, but you have more influence than you may realize. Here are 20 things that are fully within your control — and each one has a direct connection to your mental health and emotional well-being:
The words you choose to speak
The relationships you maintain or release
How you spend your time
Whether you care for your body and mind
Your approach to personal finances
The physical activity you engage in each day
How kind you are to yourself in your thoughts
The affection and compassion you show others
How organized your personal spaces are
Your facial expressions and nonverbal cues
The time you wake up and start your day
Whether you dwell on what others think
Your body language and posture
The thoughts you choose to nurture
Whether you complain or look for solutions
How often you engage with social media
What you wear and how it makes you feel
How you nourish your body
How you perceive others’ opinions of you
The risks you’re willing to take toward growth
Try this: Choose one area from this list that feels out of your control and spend this week gently reclaiming ownership of it. Notice how it impacts your stress levels, sense of purpose, and overall mood.
Moving Forward with Intention
The question “What’s in your control?” is not just about problem-solving — it’s about empowerment and emotional regulation. By focusing on what you can influence, you cultivate clarity, confidence, and calm. Over time, this practice becomes a cornerstone of resilience and mental wellness.
At Growth Era Counseling & Wellness, we help clients explore these tools in a supportive, collaborative way. If you’re ready to strengthen your sense of control, build resilience, and reconnect with your inner calm, we’re here to help you start that process — one intentional step at a time.