Gratitude and Depression: Why It’s Okay If You Don’t Feel grateful Right Now

It’s Okay If You Don’t Feel Grateful

A depression, trauma, and grief-informed perspective on appreciation

By: Growth Era Counseling & Wellness

Gratitude can be a transformative practice. It helps train the mind to notice and appreciate life’s small, often overlooked moments. Over time, this shift in focus can enhance happiness, well-being, life satisfaction, and even physical health. Studies have shown that practicing gratitude can decrease symptoms of anxiety, depression, and anger. For many, gratitude can be a powerful addition to the mental health toolkit.

However, gratitude can also feel complicated—especially for those experiencing depression, grief, or trauma.

How Gratitude Relates to Anxiety and Depression

While anxiety and depression manifest differently from person to person, they share an underlying feature: patterns of negative thinking. These patterns affect both what a person thinks and how they think.

The content of anxious or depressive thoughts often leans toward the negative. Individuals may fixate on problems, discount positives (“yes, but…” thinking), or catastrophize by imagining the worst possible outcomes.

The process of this thinking often involves “mental time travel”—dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. This rumination can pull individuals out of the present moment and reinforce cycles of sadness and fear. Research consistently shows that the more present people are, the happier they tend to feel, even if the present isn’t entirely pleasant. Rumination, on the other hand, quietly steals joy.

This is where gratitude can offer relief—but it’s important to acknowledge that gratitude is not always easy or accessible.

When Gratitude Feels Forced

For many, early experiences with gratitude may have felt more like obligation than inspiration. Statements such as “you should be grateful for what you have” or “at least be thankful that…” can feel invalidating—especially when someone is hurting.

For those living with depression, grief, or trauma, being told to “just be grateful” can sound like being asked to deny pain. It can be described as “showing a doctor a broken arm and being told to make a list of all the bones that aren’t broken.” Gratitude can feel hollow when the focus is survival.

Gratitude and Appreciation

There is robust evidence that gratitude supports mental and physical health, improving well-being, optimism, and even sleep quality. Still, it’s crucial to remember that acknowledging the good does not require ignoring the difficult. Pretending pain does not exist only intensifies it over time.

A more compassionate approach may lie in appreciation. Appreciation invites people to open themselves to whatever is present—pleasant or not. It’s about noticing reality as it is, not as one wishes it to be. Appreciation, in this sense, is both grounded and mindful.

Gratitude lists can certainly be part of appreciation, but appreciation also makes room for grief, fear, and sadness. It is an act of presence, not perfection.

Gratitude, Depression, and the Myth of “Good Vibes Only”

There’s a growing societal message that mindset alone can cure distress—that thinking positively will make everything better. While optimism has its place, this “good vibes only” mentality can easily slide into toxic positivity.

For someone living with major depressive disorder, anxiety, or trauma, being told to “be grateful” can feel like being told their pain is a choice. But mental health conditions are not a failure of willpower or perspective. They are complex, multifaceted experiences that require compassion and care, not correction.

When gratitude feels impossible, it is not a sign of weakness—it’s often a sign that a person is fighting an invisible battle.

Balancing Optimism with Realism

People living with depression or multiple mental health challenges often fight daily battles that others may never see. Managing households, caring for children, working, or simply getting out of bed can require enormous strength.

Gratitude, in these moments, may coexist with pain—or may not appear at all. A positive outlook can be supportive, but it cannot erase a chemical imbalance or the lived impact of trauma. Real healing holds space for both hope and hardship.

Importantly, not feeling grateful when told to “be positive” can trigger guilt or shame, which only deepens depressive symptoms. During difficult times, the goal is not to force gratitude but to prioritize self-care and survival.

Moving Toward Compassion

If someone is struggling, they do not owe anyone gratitude. They do not need to prove they are “positive enough.” What matters most is compassion—both from others and from within.

It is entirely possible to be both depressed and grateful. It’s also completely valid to have days when gratitude is out of reach. Those days do not make anyone ungrateful or undeserving of care.

Sometimes, survival itself is the victory.

So, this season—and every season—if gratitude feels far away, that’s okay. Notice what is present. Allow emotions to exist without judgment. Appreciation is not about forcing light but about honoring the full spectrum of being human.