Understanding Avoidance: Why It Increases Anxiety and How to Overcome It
By: Growth Era Counseling & Wellness
Avoidance can feel like relief. When we procrastinate on a tough project, skip a social event, or distract ourselves instead of dealing with uncomfortable emotions, it seems like we’re protecting ourselves. But over time, avoidance often fuels the very anxiety it’s meant to prevent.
In this post, we’ll explore what avoidance is, how it keeps anxiety going, and what you can do to break the cycle—with practical strategies you can start using today.
Understanding Avoidance Behaviors
Avoidance behaviors are actions we take to escape or prevent situations that feel threatening, uncomfortable, or overwhelming. While avoidance offers temporary relief, it reinforces fear in the long run.
Common examples include:
Procrastinating on tasks because of fear of failure or inadequacy
Avoiding certain conversations to prevent conflict
Declining invitations due to social anxiety
Putting off important decisions because of fear of change
Each act of avoidance may feel minor, but over time these choices accumulate, increasing anxiety and limiting life satisfaction.
Avoidance “works” in the short term because it reduces distress right away—but it teaches the brain that we can’t handle discomfort. The next time anxiety appears, our instinct is to avoid again, strengthening the cycle.
The Role of Therapy in Breaking the Cycle
Therapy offers a structured and supportive way to understand avoidance and develop healthier ways to respond to anxious thoughts.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), clients learn to identify unhelpful thought patterns that fuel avoidance and replace them with more balanced, realistic ways of thinking. A key CBT tool is exposure work, which involves gradually facing what you fear instead of avoiding it.
This doesn’t mean diving headfirst into distress. Exposure is done gently and intentionally—step by step. For example, someone with social anxiety might begin by imagining attending an event, then go for just a few minutes, and gradually stay longer as confidence builds. Over time, facing fears in this gradual way reduces anxiety and restores a sense of control.
How Avoidance Coping Fuels Anxiety
Avoidance coping happens when we choose our actions primarily to escape uncomfortable thoughts or feelings. It can involve both doing (like over-washing hands to relieve contamination fears) or not doing (like putting off a conversation or avoiding leaving the house).
Here’s how avoidance increases anxiety:
Panic disorder: Avoiding situations that might trigger panic leads to more triggers and shrinking comfort zones.
Eating disorders: Avoiding feelings of “fatness” intensifies preoccupation with weight and body image.
Fear of abandonment: Constant reassurance-seeking to avoid rejection can ironically push partners away.
Rumination: Overthinking is a subtle form of avoidance—an attempt to “think your way” out of discomfort instead of feeling it.
Avoidance may seem protective, but it reinforces the message that we’re not capable of handling distress—which increases anxiety over time.
When Avoidance Can Be Healthy
Avoidance isn’t always bad. Sometimes stepping away from a harmful situation is the healthiest choice. For instance:
Leaving a toxic job that’s damaging your well-being
Taking space from a heated argument to calm down before re-engaging
In these cases, avoidance serves as a boundary—not a fear response. The key is intention: Are you avoiding to protect yourself or to escape discomfort? Healthy avoidance is thoughtful and temporary; unhealthy avoidance is reactive and persistent.
Recognizing Your Own Avoidance Patterns
Awareness is the first step toward change. Notice:
When do you feel the urge to avoid?
What physical sensations, emotions, or thoughts arise?
What justifications do you give yourself (“I’ll do it later,” “It’s not that important”)?
Ask yourself:
What am I trying to avoid—failure, rejection, uncertainty, vulnerability?
What has this avoidance cost me—time, relationships, confidence, opportunities?
Reflecting on these questions helps illuminate the role avoidance plays in your life and builds motivation to face it.
Challenging and Changing Avoidance Behaviors
Once you recognize avoidance patterns, you can begin to challenge them. Start small and gradual:
Have a brief, honest conversation you’ve been postponing.
Submit a project without over-editing it.
Try a new activity that pushes you just beyond your comfort zone.
Each small step proves to your mind and body that you can handle discomfort—and every success builds momentum.
Cognitive-behavioral tools can also help by identifying and reframing distorted thoughts that drive avoidance. Mindfulness practices such as deep breathing and meditation train you to observe anxiety without letting it dictate your actions.
Remember: progress often comes through small, consistent efforts, not giant leaps.
Healthy Coping Strategies for Breaking Free from Avoidance
Here are some tools that support growth instead of avoidance:
Radical acceptance: Acknowledge reality as it is—without judgment or resistance. Acceptance reduces the urge to escape discomfort and opens space for wise action.
Social support: Share your struggles with trusted people who can offer encouragement and accountability.
Self-care: Exercise, journaling, creative outlets, and rest help regulate emotions and reduce the pull toward avoidance.
Problem-solving: Break challenges into smaller steps. Focus on what’s manageable rather than what’s overwhelming.
Celebrate progress: Even small victories matter. Every time you face rather than flee, you’re retraining your brain to trust your resilience.
Seeking Professional Support
While self-awareness and self-help tools are powerful, sometimes avoidance patterns are deeply ingrained. In those cases, therapy can be transformative.
Both CBT and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) are evidence-based approaches that address avoidance.
CBT helps you identify and challenge unhelpful beliefs fueling anxiety.
ACT teaches mindfulness and acceptance, helping you act in alignment with your values even when discomfort is present.
With professional support, you can learn to approach life’s challenges with greater flexibility, courage, and compassion.
Final Thoughts
Avoidance is a natural response to fear—it’s our mind’s way of trying to keep us safe. But true safety and growth come from learning that we can handle discomfort. By gradually facing what we fear, we expand our world rather than shrink it.
Breaking the cycle of avoidance isn’t about eliminating anxiety—it’s about reclaiming your power to live fully, even when life feels uncertain.
If you find yourself stuck in patterns of avoidance and anxiety, therapy can help.
With guidance and support, it’s possible to step out of fear and into freedom—one small, courageous step at a time.