What Should I Talk About in Therapy? Taking the Pressure Off the Therapy Session

Aug 27

Written By Brenda Griffin

Growth Era Counseling & Wellness | Telehealth Therapy Across Connecticut

You finally have your therapy appointment.

You've been looking forward to it.

You've had approximately 37 things you wanted to talk about all week.

Something happened at work.

You had a weird interaction with a friend.

You're frustrated with your partner.

You've been more anxious lately.

Something your mom said is still bothering you.

You had a really good day and want to talk about that, too.

You have a decision you're trying to make.

You haven't been sleeping well.

And then, five minutes before your appointment, your brain goes completely blank.

“I have no idea what to talk about.”

Or maybe you show up with a completely different concern than the one you thought you'd talk about.

Or maybe you don't feel like talking about anything at all.

So you sit down and think:

“What am I supposed to say?”

Here's the thing:

There is no right answer.

You don't have to arrive at therapy with an agenda, a list of problems, or a perfectly organized explanation of how you've been feeling.

You don't have to make your therapy session productive.

You don't have to impress your therapist.

You don't have to know what the “important” thing is.

You can just show up.

And from there, you and your therapist figure it out together.

Sometimes You Have a LOT to Talk About

There are weeks when you walk into therapy and immediately say:

“Okay, I have so much to tell you.”

Something happened.

Then something else happened.

And then something reminded you of something from three years ago.

And then you got a text.

And then you had a conversation with your partner.

And then you realized you've been feeling differently lately.

And before you know it, you've already talked for twenty minutes.

That's therapy, too.

Sometimes the session is about what happened this week.

The argument.

The stressful meeting.

The awkward conversation.

The unexpected good news.

The difficult parenting moment.

The decision you're trying to make.

The thing you've been replaying in your head.

The thing you can't stop thinking about.

The thing you keep saying is “probably not a big deal” even though you've thought about it approximately 400 times.

You don't have to decide whether something is “therapy-worthy.”

If it's taking up space in your mind, it's worth talking about.

Sometimes Your Therapist Will Help Guide the Conversation

Therapy isn't supposed to be a situation where your therapist sits across from you silently waiting for you to produce the perfect topic.

Sometimes your therapist will ask questions.

They may check in about something you discussed last session.

They may notice a pattern.

They may ask about how something affected you.

They may bring up a goal you're working toward.

They may say:

“I noticed something when you were talking about that…”

Or:

“Can we slow down there for a minute?”

Or:

“You said something that I want to come back to.”

Or:

“How did that feel for you?”

Or even:

“I wonder if this connects to something we've talked about before.”

That's part of the process.

You don't have to carry the entire conversation.

You share the space with your therapist.

Your therapist knows you, knows some of your history, understands what you're working on, and can help you notice things that may be difficult to see when you're inside of them.

Sometimes You Talk About the Small Stuff

Therapy doesn't have to be reserved for major life events.

You can talk about the annoying email.

The coworker who got under your skin.

The text message that made you spiral.

The conversation you keep replaying.

The decision you can't make.

The fact that you were irritated by everyone this week.

The fact that you cried over something that surprised you.

The fact that you had an amazing day.

The fact that you are completely exhausted.

The fact that your partner did something really sweet.

The fact that your child said something hilarious.

The fact that you're excited about something.

All of it belongs.

Because sometimes the “small” thing isn't actually small.

It may be the doorway into something bigger.

Yes, You Can read Your Therapist the Text Message

Please know this:

You are absolutely allowed to bring the text.

Sometimes trying to explain what happened sounds like:

“Okay, so she said this, but I said this, and then she said this, and I don't know, maybe I'm overreacting…”

And your therapist may say:

“Do you still have the text?”

Yes.

Show us.

You can show your therapist the text message that made you upset.

The email you're overthinking.

The conversation you don't know how to respond to.

The note you wrote to yourself.

The screenshot you've been staring at.

The calendar that's making you anxious.

The list that feels overwhelming.

Obviously, protect other people's private information when appropriate, and use good judgment about what you share. But you don't have to translate every real-life interaction into a perfectly organized clinical summary.

Sometimes seeing the actual words helps your therapist understand what you're experiencing.

And sometimes you'll realize together that the text isn't really about the text at all.

Which brings us to one of the coolest things about therapy.

Sometimes You Think You're Going to Talk About One Thing…

…and you end up somewhere completely different.

You come in because you're frustrated about something your partner said.

Twenty minutes later, you're talking about how difficult it is to ask for what you need.

Or you come in because you're overwhelmed at work.

And somewhere along the way, you realize you've been holding yourself to an impossible standard for years.

You come in because you're anxious about an upcoming event.

And you discover that the deeper issue is uncertainty, control, or fear of disappointing people.

You come in because you're angry.

And underneath the anger is hurt.

Or grief.

Or fear.

Or exhaustion.

Or a need that hasn't been acknowledged.

That's one of the coolest things about therapy.

You don't always know where the conversation is going to take you.

Sometimes the thing you thought you needed to talk about becomes the doorway into something much deeper.

Sometimes You Talk About Wins

Therapy isn't just for what's going wrong.

Please bring the good stuff, too.

Tell your therapist when you handled something differently.

Tell them when you set the boundary.

Tell them when you didn't spiral.

Tell them when you did something that used to scare you.

Tell them when you noticed an old pattern and responded differently.

Tell them when you had a really good week.

Tell them when something finally clicked.

Tell them when you felt proud of yourself.

These moments matter.

Sometimes therapy involves recognizing progress that you might otherwise move right past.

You don't have to spend your entire session dissecting what went wrong.

You get to talk about what went right, too.

And Sometimes You Talk About Setbacks

Progress isn't linear.

There may be weeks when you feel like you've gone backward.

You reacted differently than you wanted to.

You avoided something.

You got overwhelmed.

You had a panic attack.

You fell back into an old pattern.

You struggled with intrusive thoughts.

You were harder on yourself than you wanted to be.

You didn't use the coping skill you planned to use.

You had a really difficult week.

Bring that, too.

You don't need to clean up the story before you bring it into therapy.

You don't need to say:

“I know I shouldn't have done this, but…”

You can simply say:

“This happened, and I don't know what to do with it.”

That's enough.

Sometimes You Talk About What's Heavy

There may be things you carry around all day that nobody else sees.

The worry.

The grief.

The resentment.

The loneliness.

The intrusive thoughts.

The insecurity.

The shame.

The fear.

The exhaustion.

The things you haven't told anyone.

Sometimes therapy is where those things finally get somewhere to go.

You don't have to protect your therapist from your feelings.

You don't have to make them sound less serious.

You don't have to apologize for crying.

You don't have to apologize for being angry.

You don't have to apologize for being overwhelmed.

You are allowed to take up space in your own therapy session.

Sometimes You Talk About What Feels Lighter

And sometimes therapy feels surprisingly… normal.

You laugh.

You tell a funny story.

You talk about something ridiculous that happened.

You share a win.

You talk about your weekend.

You tell your therapist something that made you laugh so hard you had to tell someone.

You talk about something you're excited about.

You might even spend part of the session laughing about something that would sound completely uninteresting to anyone else.

That's okay.

Therapy doesn't have to feel heavy every minute for it to be meaningful.

You're a whole person.

Your life contains sadness and humor.

Stress and excitement.

Grief and joy.

Frustration and gratitude.

Your therapy space can hold all of it.

Sometimes You Don't Have Much to Say

This is important, too.

There will be days when you sit down and say:

“Honestly, I don't really know what to talk about.”

Maybe nothing particularly dramatic happened.

Maybe you had a normal week.

Maybe you're tired.

Maybe you're emotionally flat.

Maybe you don't feel like talking.

Maybe you feel like everything is fine.

Maybe you're having trouble accessing what you're feeling.

You can say that.

You can sit quietly for a minute.

You can let your therapist guide the conversation.

You can start with:

“I don't know.”

“I don't know” is a perfectly acceptable place to begin.

Sometimes what comes after “I don't know” ends up being the most important part of the session.

Sometimes Therapy Is Very Goal-Oriented

There are also times when you absolutely know what you need.

You have a difficult conversation coming up.

You're struggling with anxiety.

You're having a rough mental health week.

You're overwhelmed and need help getting through the next few days.

You're facing a major decision.

You need coping skills.

You need help figuring out how to respond instead of react.

You want to practice a grounding technique.

You need to work through a specific problem.

You need help challenging a thought.

You need a plan.

Therapy can be very practical.

Sometimes you leave with a tangible strategy to try.

Sometimes you practice a coping skill together.

Sometimes you work through a specific situation.

Sometimes the goal is simply:

“How do I get through this week?”

That's therapy, too.

Sometimes Therapy Is About Having Somewhere to Put Everything

Not every session needs to produce a breakthrough.

Sometimes you just need somewhere to put the things you don't have room to say anywhere else.

You may spend your days taking care of other people.

Working.

Parenting.

Managing a household.

Answering questions.

Being a partner.

Being a friend.

Being the person everyone calls.

You may spend so much of your time responding to what everyone else needs that you don't have much space to ask:

“How am I actually doing?”

Therapy can be that space.

A place where you don't have to take care of anyone else.

A place where you don't have to edit yourself.

A place where you can say the thing you've been thinking about all week.

A place where you can let some of the emotional energy you've been carrying have somewhere to go.

Sometimes that alone is incredibly valuable.

You Don't Have to Perform Wellness

One of the most important things to remember is that therapy is not a performance.

You don't have to show up with the right answer.

You don't have to demonstrate that you're using all your coping skills.

You don't have to make progress every week.

You don't have to arrive happy.

You don't have to arrive miserable.

You don't have to have an agenda.

You don't have to make your therapist's job easy.

And you certainly don't have to spend the week thinking:

“What should I talk about in therapy?”

If you have something, bring it.

If you don't, say that.

If something happened five minutes before your appointment, talk about that.

If something happened three years ago and suddenly came back to you this week, talk about that.

If you're proud of yourself, talk about that.

If you're embarrassed, talk about that.

If you're angry at someone, talk about that.

If you're confused, talk about that.

If you don't know what you're feeling, start there.

Trust That What Comes Up Is Worth Exploring

You don't always have to know why something matters before you talk about it.

Sometimes the seemingly random thought is connected to something deeper.

Sometimes the story you tell is the thing that needs to be told.

Sometimes the thing you keep avoiding is exactly where the work is.

Sometimes you think you're coming in to talk about your boss, and you end up talking about your relationship with failure.

Sometimes you think you're coming in to talk about your partner, and you end up talking about your relationship with yourself.

Sometimes you think you're coming in because you're stressed, and you realize you're grieving.

Sometimes you think you're “just tired,” and you begin to recognize how much you've been carrying.

You don't always have to know where the conversation is going for it to be meaningful.

Trust the process.

Let the conversation unfold.

Let your therapist be curious with you.

So… What Should You Talk About in Therapy?

The honest answer is:

Whatever feels like it needs somewhere to go.

Talk about what happened this week.

Talk about what you're worried about.

Talk about what made you laugh.

Talk about what made you cry.

Talk about what you're proud of.

Talk about what you're avoiding.

Talk about what you're confused about.

Talk about what feels heavy.

Talk about what feels lighter.

Talk about the thing you can't stop thinking about.

Talk about the thing you think is “stupid.”

Talk about the thing you aren't sure matters.

Talk about nothing.

Let your therapist ask questions.

Let them guide you.

Let the conversation wander a little.

Sometimes have a very specific goal.

Sometimes just need to be supported.

Sometimes learn something.

Sometimes cry.

Sometimes laugh.

Sometimes sit in the quiet for a minute.

It's all therapy.

Your Therapy Session Belongs to You

Perhaps the biggest thing to remember is this:

Your therapy session is a space that belongs to you.

You don't have to earn that space by having a bad enough week.

You don't have to fill every minute with something profound.

You don't have to arrive knowing exactly what you need.

You share that space with a therapist who gets to know you over time—your patterns, your strengths, your struggles, your history, your sense of humor, your goals, and the things that matter to you.

You don't have to figure out the whole session before you walk through the door.

Just show up.

Bring what you have.

Bring what happened.

Bring the uncertainty.

Bring the win.

Bring the messy story.

Bring the screenshot.

Bring the “I don't know.”

And trust that sometimes, what comes up is exactly what needs to be talked about.

How Therapy Can Help

If you've been considering therapy but feel unsure about what you'd even talk about, that's okay.

You don't need to have everything figured out before reaching out.

At Growth Era Counseling & Wellness, therapy is collaborative, individualized, and designed to meet you where you are. Whether you need practical tools for anxiety, support through a life transition, space to process trauma or grief, help navigating depression, OCD, ADHD, motherhood, or simply a place to slow down and make sense of what you're carrying, there is room for you.

Some sessions may be structured and goal-focused.

Some may be more exploratory.

Some may be emotional.

Some may be surprisingly light.

And some may begin with:

“I have absolutely no idea what I need to talk about today.”